Drake-Fear

july 30th 2008

If only I could think of all of the right things to write here.
It's 2:27am on the 23rd of June. Do you know that in a little more than a month it will be 2 years since I saw you last? Did you know you broke my heart into a million little pieces? 2 years is a long time. You made this promise to me. You hugged me and we went our separate ways, with the following year in mind and our futures ahead of us. Did you know it would be like this? Thinking back I wish we had more time that day. I wish I had a picture, anything. I can't even remember the way you smell. But I do remember the way your arms feel around me. I remember the way you make me sick to my stomach and the way I go weak in the knees when you're around. A lot has changed in the past two years. We've both taken separate paths, new challenges, and gone through relationships. It really scares me to think that you and I might never see each other again. In a week, I'm turning 18. You won't be here, and that's fine, but I wish you were. I don't even know what to feel anymore. I feel like this what I have all of my faith, love, and attention invested in. I want it that way forever, but I want the same in exchange. You can never give me that. In my heart, I know I need to move forward in life, but I can't leave you behind. It's so complex. I want to hold onto you but you'll end up dragging me in only deeper. None of this is making sense. I'm going to sleep now. Figure things out, stop this.