Drake-Fear

july 30th 2008

If only I could think of all of the right things to write here.
It's 2:27am on the 23rd of June. Do you know that in a little more than a month it will be 2 years since I saw you last? Did you know you broke my heart into a million little pieces? 2 years is a long time. You made this promise to me. You hugged me and we went our separate ways, with the following year in mind and our futures ahead of us. Did you know it would be like this? Thinking back I wish we had more time that day. I wish I had a picture, anything. I can't even remember the way you smell. But I do remember the way your arms feel around me. I remember the way you make me sick to my stomach and the way I go weak in the knees when you're around. A lot has changed in the past two years. We've both taken separate paths, new challenges, and gone through relationships. It really scares me to think that you and I might never see each other again. In a week, I'm turning 18. You won't be here, and that's fine, but I wish you were. I don't even know what to feel anymore. I feel like this what I have all of my faith, love, and attention invested in. I want it that way forever, but I want the same in exchange. You can never give me that. In my heart, I know I need to move forward in life, but I can't leave you behind. It's so complex. I want to hold onto you but you'll end up dragging me in only deeper. None of this is making sense. I'm going to sleep now. Figure things out, stop this.

Shit.

I had this dream last night. You were in it. We were in love again and all that shit. I don't know how to feel about it. I miss you, honestly, but I can't help but to resent you for your mistakes.

In June, I am going to drive 90 miles to see you. Is it going to be worth it? Or is it going to be the same old shit? I'm really thinking it's a bad idea. I need this, I think. I just need to see if there is still anything between us.

I feel like this is a chapter that didn't end before moving onto the next. What should I do? I'm just going for it. Whatever happens, happens.

I'm doin' me.

So, I love Drake so much. This song is catchy as hell. Drake as an artist drips creativity and talent. He's got it going for him. He's only 23 and already being called the legend.....


This song is called Over. This is the beginning to the song.

"""I know way too many people here right now
That I didn’t know last year, who the fuck are y’all?
I swear it feels like the last few nights
We been everywhere and back
But I just can’t remember it all

What am I doin’? What am I doin’?
Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me
I’m doin me
I’m livin’ life right now, mayne

And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over
But it’s far from over….."""

In my opinion, the first line is relating to fame and how everyone wants to be associated with you because of your name, clique, and money.
I get that.
In the same way, sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think "what the fuck?"
It just seems like people keep entering and exiting my life on a day to day basis.
Why can't shit just stay stable? You know?

Life is moving so fast. I'm trying to take it all in.


Drake asks himself "What am I doing?"
His response is "I'm doin' me."
This is my problem. I put everyone in front of me. I do what I want to do last.
I care about others before myself. It's not a bad thing, it's just better in moderation.
So, now, I'm doing me. I don't care about others for the time people. I just need to focus on myself; my faith, my morals, my values, my relationships, my health, and my future.

Bandwagons full. Please catch another.

Justin Bieber!?

One of my friends made this for me. I love JUSTIN BIEBER! I'm attending his concert in June.

Green is the new black?

So, I've never been the type to paint my nails black. It's just really not my thing. I usually stick to blue or classic pin-up red. I recently bought NYC Long Wearing Nail Enamel nail polish in Big Money. I'm addicted to it. It looks SICK on. I love being not being traditional. The woman who does my nails is named Kathy. I had a nightmare the other night where she shut down her salon and I had to go somewhere else, and they sucked. I bite my nails. A lot. I'm trying to stop.

heyy.

Here's a picture of me and a baby chick. I loved it.